For What It’s Worth
as mentioned before, today has been a very lazy day, which has afforded me the opportunity to think about many things. mainly i have been thinking about the week ahead. midterms have been hellish for college students across the country, myself included. my schedule has been optimum for studying opportunities, as i have had about a midterm a week for the past three weeks. this leaves the upcoming two weeks to come to resolve my remaining exams. human sexuality is going to suck. hard. the class is interesting, but the information is so jam-packed that i am going to really have to start buckling down and learning the information over the course of the next week.
i recently filled out a school-to-school transfer application from rutgers-newark to the new brunswick campus. i’m pretty sure that this is what i want to do. moving down to new brunswick will give me several more chances to meet people of the non-crackhead variety, which leaves me feeling happy, and secure. i feel like a bastard for leaving some of the friends that i have made behind, but if they are really my friends, then they will come and visit me, and likewise, i will visit the ones who mean something to me. but if they don’t come and visit, well, then i guess i will still live.
friends are an enigma to me. honestly, i never really realized how difficult it is to find people who can reciprocate the same feelings of love and trust that i give to them. i’ve been with chelsea for four years now, and she is just one of the few people that makes me feel the love and trust that i long for (and if she didn’t, it would be serious grounds for reconsidering the whole relationship, but luckily i have a good one:)). i can say that i have some meaningful friends, that care and send me the nourishment that i need, but my question is: why am i still hungry? why do i constantly evaluate the people around me, and sort them into different groups (the groups consist of friends, acquaintances, and users)? why is this such a dramatic issue in my life? do other people have such apprehensions regarding something as common as friends? do i just need to forget about it, and drink some beer, and move on with life? obviously these are all rhetorical questions, but any insight would be appreciated. if you aren’t comfortable publishing your thoughts on the web, send me a text message, or call me if you have my number. i’m not expecting to have some deep intellectual catharsis, but just getting a feel for this aspect of life will help me, and anyone i can reach out to that might be feeling the same way. complex questions like this might seem a bit cliche, even annoying; i know that when i took philosophy in high school, i used to get so peeved by the people who would ask “unanswerable” questions like this, but hey, it’s worth a shot, right? guys, girls, feel free to respond. or not.